Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
