She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
