Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
NoShamevember. You game?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
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