dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
