I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
