Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
