hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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