He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
