Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
