There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
