as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
