could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize