i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
