Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
