never play flip cup with pint glasses
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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