I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
