the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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