I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
