im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
