you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
