i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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