can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize