I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
