thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
