Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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