i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
