Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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