Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
