That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
