I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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