Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
