listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
