Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
