I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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