Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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