I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
