my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
