I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize