I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
