She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
