Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
