The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
