Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
