Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
