help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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