No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
