nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
