Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
