I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
