I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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