I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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