if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
