it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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