Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
smell my finger.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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