I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
