I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
