Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
