When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
