I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
