My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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