I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
