What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
