My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
