I am in a vortex of obligation.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
