the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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