no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize