I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
