you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
