i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
