I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
