There is no way he is gay with that hair.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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