I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
