Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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