And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
