what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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