It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
