these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You are the jesus of drinking
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
